The gift was ours to borrow

Kiss today goodbye and point me toward tomorrow

When I first learned about Musicals magazine, I was, dare I say it… a bit annoyed. So many of my peers were in it but I wasn’t and I wanted to be part of it so badly. So, I sent a few emails and I was delighted to be asked to contribute a review to the upcoming third issue and was then asked to do more. I built up a rapport with Sarah (Editor) and Marianka (Assistant Editor) and being involved with such a lovely publication was the best thing that had happened to me in a long time and provided a considerable boost to my confidence at a difficult time.

When Marianka left a few months later, I was asked if I was interested in taking over her role. Nothing like that had ever happened to me before. I learned so much about how a magazine is run. I had the chance to do many interviews with actors and creatives, each of which was a delight. I adored working with a once-in-a-lifetime consisting of the aforementioned Sarah, Jonathan (Editorial Assistant), Lisa (Sub-editor) and Heather (Art Editor), and all our brilliant freelance writers. I loved ‘matchmaking’ writers and assignments and, while I’m sure I wasn’t perfect, I tried so hard to be diplomatic and non-hierarchical so that everyone was treated fairly. And commissioning more women was very important to me, as Musical Theatre journalism has historically been so male dominated.

I think I can brag that I never (or at least very rarely) bragged, and I never took anything for granted for a moment. Whenever I was asked about my job, I would preface it with, ‘I’ve been extremely lucky and I have no idea how long it’s going to continue, so I’m just trying to make the most of it while it lasts’. Still, there was every reason to be cautiously optimistic as sales figures were good and in spring 2024, it was decided that the magazine would go monthly (it was previously published every two months) from the autumn. They wouldn’t do that if they weren’t committed to its long-term existence, would they?

However, to quote Tim Rice, my penultimate interviewee, ‘Nothing is so good it lasts eternally’. At the end of January, the powers that be announced that the next issue (March) would be the last, due to lack of advertising revenue (not the quality of the product, which was exemplary, or the number of subscribers, which disproved the notion that people aren’t willing to pay for content). It’s been eight weeks now and the grief continues to be pretty excruciating. I’m nowhere near to being ‘over’ it, and I’m not sure I ever will be.

As well as the small matter of the loss of income, I miss the creativity and sense of personal and professional agency that the job provided immeasurably, as well as having a ‘proper’ title. I’m not quite sure what my identity is now or if my past achievements count for anything in the eyes of commissioning editors, PRs, readers, etc.

This isn’t the most eloquent introductory post, as it’s something I never wanted to write. I couldn’t possibly recreate via Substack what we did at Musicals, where we had the resources of a large company at our disposal. But I have to do something and I think I do have something to offer. I haven’t got a grand plan but I have got skills and a voice and I’m going to use them.

Love
Love is never gone
As we travel on
Love's what we'll remember…